Saturday, March 7, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)
Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired at a
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while.
"I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."
So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of
hours the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the
Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he
hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I
thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah
could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie
in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither."
The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the
pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.
Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of
sand and yells,
A gallon of milk
A carton of eggs
A carton of orange juice
A package of bacon
A head of lettuce
A can of coffee
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the Cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
'You must be single.'
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the Six items
on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that
could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: 'Well, you know what, you're
But how on earth did you know that?'
The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly..'
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten
comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it
would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every
day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the
owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers, he
said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks
for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the
first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But
what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they
divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted
that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would
each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested
that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same
amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before And the first four continued
to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to
compare their savings.
'I only got a dollar out of the $20', declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'
'Yeah, that's right', exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar,
too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!'
'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back
when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!'
'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get
anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat
down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill,
they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money
between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our
tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most
benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being
wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might
start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.